| (Primus) “Seems like everything large here is dead.” (Sindar) “That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?” |
Comments made after the party had rifted to a post-apocalyptic Earth-like plane, and witnessed (or discovered) a few corpses (of a human and some deer) but encountered no large living creatures. There were, however, abundant bird and squirrel-life. Sindar’s comments are half out of character and sort of really say “Looks like radiation huh?” |
| (Primus) “Well the Pokemon said something about Jap-ponies school girls.” (Sindar) “What? Horse girls?” |
At the time, the party had just planeshifted to a post apocalyptic Earth-like environment after joining up with a pokemon-like creature. This creature, likely created just minutes prior by wild magic, had disjointed memories of modern life – including knowledge of what a Japanese school girl was, which he was sharing with the group. |
| “It’s like a gelatinous pussy!” |
Player comment on a gelatinous cube’s tendency to flee or avoid trouble. |
| (Fastred) “Prove you’re from Whoopasia.” (Newly resurrected imp Socrates): “Corthal’s a dick.” (Fastred) “You really are from Whoopasia.” |
After a wild surge resurrected Socrates, a Whoopasian local, and transported him to the party’s location. Neither PC has much love for Corthal… |
| “Hey! Big Fucker! You need to take a moment, find a wash board, take us off, and get busy with the soap! Are you even listening?” |
Sindar’s socks, shortly after attaining sentience, shortly after an unusual wild surge…if the word unusual can be applied as an adjective in this way. The comment went unheard. |
| “My guess is, if their style ensued they fled into the box.” |
The PC Sindar, commenting on the bravery of his companions as he and the PC Primus were searching for them. In fact, most of the missing PCs and NPCs had fled into a flatbox-like box of holding. |
| “Don’t die, stick your hand in your pocket!” |
Primus’ player, speaking to Fastred’s player. Leading up to the moment of this speech act, Fastred had grappled a beholder-kin who rapidly gained altitude. Bravely, Fastred held on and drew his shortsword, preparing to attack the creature the next combat round. However, before he could, the beholder spun around rapidly and knocked him off, causing a 115 foot fall toward a 50’ deep pit of spikes. Being a wild mage exposed to many years of surge results, Fastred’s touch was able to transmute leather into a variety of potential objects. Fastred takes advantage of this by carrying around a pouch full of leather balls; on his way down Fastred reached in to his pouch and tried to only grab 5 balls of leather, knowing full well each transmutation of leather would result in one or more wild surges due to the characteristics of the local area. He instead grabbed 8 balls of leather, but couldn’t concentrate sufficiently (he was falling) to control what the leather turned into. In an instant, 8 leather balls become large sections of NYC sewer pipe, severely wounding Fastred and taking him to -6 hit points. However, the force of the pipe’s impact gave him enough motion to clear the 50’ pit. Primus’ suggestion occurred sometime during the fall; he thought Fastred should try to cause as much wild magic as possible on the way down, since occasionally wild magic can be beneficial. |
| “I turn around, and run backwards as fast as I can.” |
Tesla’s player, after his character had jumped through a dimension door leading to a small chamber where a beholder-like monster was waiting. His mission was to lure the beholder-kin out through the dimension door, but his courage wavered a bit…he jumped back through the portal so fast it nearly happened before the beholder noticed him. |
| “It occurs to me, that we have a tasty fox in this box of holding.” |
Spoken by the hengeyokai house cat, psion PC Bugaboo. The party was getting hungry, and the fox in the box (damn you Dr. Seuss) was the PC Vulpecula, who had been sleeping in the box for some time as her player hadn’t been participating in recent sessions. |
| “I think it’s like donkey donkey hippo, clown clown masturbator.” |
Spoken by Primus. Another PC was helping Tesla learn some words in a language the rest of the party spoke, and Primus suggested this phrase as the translation for “perpetual motion machine.” |
| “I set my pocket knife for a charge.” |
Nearly the last words spoken by Tesla, the 1’ 8” quickling (level 1) wizard, who was the target of a swooping Darkmantle easily several times his size. The pocket knife, which Tesla stole from a nearby Prussian cavalry officer, was over half the character’s own size and was being wielded as if it were a sword. This quote is especially humorous since most weapons in D&D “set for a charge” are things like spears and pole weapons, not tiny pocket weapons. |
| “Ok, I will become alarmed.” |
Tesla, after being targeted by a darkness effect which was launched by a gigantic Darkmantle descending on his position. |
| “Fuck you until you’re not slimy anymore.” |
Spoken by Vulpecula’s player, likely referring to the NPC Casara, who was polymorphed into a slimy grell. |
| “Chuck Norris is no longer my responsibility.” |
Spoken by Fastred the purling wild mage, who was getting fed up with his kind-of familiar, a gremlin like creature (technically a Whammy) named Chuck Norris. The full humor of this line needs to be considered in the context of the following link. http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck |
| “Now take all your thoughts and pour them into the rose, feed the rose.” |
Primus, as he was instructing the PC Bugaboo on techniques of meditation. The rose was a kind of mental focus. |
| “I’m too small for a Darkmantle to want to eat me.” |
Spoken by the 1’ 8” tall quickling PC Tesla, who was at the time alone and faced with the possibility of having to fight off one or more darkmantles, each several times his size. I think he was trying to convince the DM that this was actually true… |
| “Well, I’m just saying, maybe we can find you someone else’s penis?” |
Fastred, trying to comfort the Whammy NPC Chuck Norris. For a couple sessions the DM was forced to run Chuck Norris without his stats on Whammys, and upon finding these notes realized that these creatures were genderless. Thus, Chuck lost his penis. He was quite upset by this event, since he had just recently gotten used to having one. |
| “If you’re gona save her, save her or else stab her.” |
Primus, referring to a tiefling NPC the group had recently saved from an elaborate Saw-style deathtrap. The trap was such that the key which could open a critical door was in the tiefling’s stomach, and Primus really wanted to cut it out of her, which is what the trap’s designer had in mind. The rest of the group was trying to get the key out some other way, and Primus was getting impatient. |
| “This place needs and antidote?! Why are we here?” |
Spoken by Fastred, who was less than enthusiastic about the nature of the demi-plane the party had been abducted to. The atmosphere of the demi-plane, while Nitrogen Oxygen based, is also toxic to most forms of life such that a creature can only survive there for as many hours as they have points of constitution. |
| “Ok, anybody wana come stand on this one?” |
Fastred, referring to a pressure plate he had just depressed; he was worried it might explode (as others in the room had) as soon as his weight shifted on it, and so he wanted someone to come stand on it while he moved to safety. No one volunteered. |
| (Fastred) “So, there’s no poison here..” (Primus) “How about productivity?” |
Fastred was supposed to be using his magic to find out information about the party’s surroundings, and was referring to something that either couldn’t possibly be poisoned or if it were it would have no impact on the party whatsoever. Primus was getting sick of waiting. |
| “Oh look, two assassins and a rogue watching the wizard check the door for traps!” |
An observation made by Primus (the rogue) as yes, the party wizard was busy checking a potentially dangerous door for traps. The wizard did not possess any skill in finding traps, but nonetheless tried anyway. |
| “It’s gona fuck me, it’s gona make a new hole to do it in.” |
Fastred making a pessimistic comment. It should be mentioned that he was in a gigantic death-trap-laden chamber at the time which was quite capable of making new holes in Fastred. |
| “Are you a threat? If you are we’re going to throw you off the balcony.” |
Fastred speaking to the PC Tesla, a quickling wizard. Tesla had appeared in the same wild surge event which conjured a group of plane traveling kidnappers that abducted the party, and Fastred was either being rude or trying to decide if Tesla was one of his enemies. Likely, he was being rude. |
| “Hey, can you toss me up Chuck?” “You throw him up.” |
In the context of this exchange, Chuck refers to Chuck Norris, an NPC whammy (think blue gremlin with a personal genre) who was created by Fastred the purling. Fastred had just leaped out of a bone-filled pit and was standing on the rim, asking for someone to help his “familiar” get out. |
| “This could be the first time an item was identified by rubbing it on a cat.” |
Spoken by the DM. The PC Bugaboo, a hengeyokai house cat, is able to use a limited form of telepathic transmission with sentient beings who pet him. In this case, an item was rubbed on his fur so that he could attempt to communicate with it, and it actually worked. |
| “What are we going to do with a dress!? There’s nothing to do but die in a dress!” |
Fastred, after planeshifting and landing in the bottom of a strange parabolic chamber partially filled with faunal remains and decaying items. The party had found an elegant set of “fairy princess” clothing adorning one of the corpses in the area, and apparently this did not please the annoyed purling wild mage. |
| “There’s actually a muscle you have, that makes it go up and down.” |
Spoken by me, the DM to Bugaboo’s player. Bugaboo is a hengeyokai house cat who, upon entering an unusual pocket dimension noticed that he had mutated a bit; a cat-fish spine had grown on his back, which could be moved up and down with said muscle. No reference to any PC muscle was intended. |
| “I didn’t attack you, I exploded.” |
The context of this line escapes me: it was either spoken by Fastred or Vulpecula, and I think it refers to an explosion of wild magical energy which emanated from one of them. |
| “Not that kind of immortality, the other kind of immortality!” |
Vulpecula, likely out of character, describing to another player that while her character does not age she does not possess any Highlander-like powers. |
| “Hey, three eyes! Are there often little girls in your fireplaces?!” |
Spoken by Vulpecula shortly after her arrival in Whoopasia, immediately after wandering into an unused chamber in the Whoopasian Inn and noticing the ghost of a young girl (perhaps Rascarr’s old spirit guide) slipping into the back wall of a walk-in fireplace where a permanent and infrequently used portal rests. No one really took this too seriously. “Three eyes” refers to Fastred, a purling wild mage who developed a third eye after one of his surge events. |
| “Maybe sometime I’ll take you outside the city limits, and show you something else..” |
Spoken by the purling wild mage Fastred to the NPC Maramell in the Whoopasian Dining Hall. Maramell, an unusual character possessing sorcerer-like innate spell abilities but with no limit in how many “times per day” she can use her spells, can often learn a new spell just by watching it being cast. She was trying to get Fastred to show her some wild magic, which her first adventuring group would never, ever, never ever ever let her see for their own safety. Fastred was all too willing, and tried to teach her Sceptar’s reckless dweomer, but she failed to pick up on it. The surge energy originally demolished the dining hall by bringing down the walls and ceiling, but Fastred managed to recover and thus avoid any “official entanglements.” The “something else” he was going to show her was more wild magic – there was no sexual intent. |
| “Wouldn’t it be like Rama Lama Squirrel Dong?” “Dice the fuck out of her!” |
Comment made by Vulpecula’s player, the context is somewhat elusive but it was made after something I, the DM said. Apparently it was a diceworthy comment. |
| “Chuck Norris needs to get off the fucking table.” |
Corthal, in full Chaotic good mode, imposing his will on a gremlin-like creature (species = “Whammy”) named after the ultimate master of spin kicking deathblows. At the time, Chuck was on the Whoopasian dining hall table causing trouble, and Corthal can’t have that level of chaos in his presence. |
| “We no longer have any active death knights in town…” |
Spoken by Corthal (in a reassuring tone) after a piñata named “Hates the Death Knight” bragged to a group of new Whoopasian citizens that he was especially good at dispatching Death Knights. Corthal’s statement is true, since one resident death knight was polymorphed back into a human (of slightly smaller stature) and another pseudo-death-knight was turned lawful good by a magical ring the Whoopasian counsel keeps just in case people of “undesirable alignment” show up in town. |
| “Oh Jesus…or whatever I would have said.” |
Corthal’s player, mostly out of character, upon seeing high beam head lights emit from Primus’ eyes. The effect is delivered by touch from “Mr. Shine,” a GoBot-like wild magical construct composed of auto parts who guards the Whoopasian dining hall. |
| “Thunder rolls from all over the place, echoing around”, “Aside from being coated in metal armor, that’s not much of a problem.” |
The first part was spoken by me as DM, the second part by Corthal, who was about to try and cross open, flat desert in the rain, during a thunderstorm, after being battered and wounded in the most difficult fight the Whoopasians have seen yet. Corthal wears magical chainmail, and an interesting discussion of the conductive properties of the house rules fantasy metal terrestrium ensued. |
| “If it feels like you’re gona get fucked up again, don’t do it.” |
Arineon talking to Kincade, who was about to strike a super-magical sarcophagus with something. Just prior, Kincade experienced some sort of magical effect that required he make a saving throw, but he couldn’t tell what the source was. |
| “Whoopasians don’t walk.” |
So true, so true. Most of them tend to fly, dimensionally travel, and so forth. Most of the characters have never ridden a horse in-game. This quote was just too appropriate. |
| “Can’t we just give him a shot in the ass to shut him up?” |
Ophi, speaking about the anthropomorphic rabbit Samuel Bitters, who she found annoying. I think she meant give him a shot as in needle…? |
| “Shouldn’t it be something like, when you’ve gone rabbit it becomes a habit?” |
Corthal, responding to Samuel Bitters’ comment to Antigone “Once you’ve gone rabbit you never go back.” In the scene Samuel, an anthropomorphic rabbit, was for some totally unknown reason hitting on Antigone, a female Thurgrid (think troll). |
| “I found a crack, where my right angle worked.” |
Spoken by Primus Mnesthus the purling fighter/psionicist/thief, after escaping from “The Pyramid Maze.” The situation for the comment was set up by Corthal, who dispelled a wall of force and flooded the lower areas of the temple of Ammit. In one of the flooded rooms there rested an oil basin full of an enchanted oil that would teleport anyone touching it d1000 feet above the nearest pyramid. Primus encountered this oil and was teleported, but just before hitting the top of the pyramid he used his ectoplasmic form power and passed into the structure, thereby getting sucked into a magical maze within. Once inside the purling tried to use his dimension walk power to escape, partially described in the rules as somehow involving right angles in a curious way that kind of stuck. Initially, I as DM ruled the power wouldn’t function in the maze due to some existing enchantments, but realizing how much of a pain in the ass this would become I decided to let the power work. Hence, Primus found a crack where his power, his right angle worked. |
| (Ophi): “Shut up Corthal!”, (DM): “Do you really say that?”, (Ophi) “…No…” |
I recorded this quote because it was typically Ophi, forever being restrained by Corthal the party schoolmarm. If she had said that he might have responded with his usual punishment of “arrow + patella = pain.” |
| “Alright, alright that is a dining knife, if you were hit with it, it would, should do…likely break.” |
Spoken by the late Len Arom, context unknown. I can’t even say why I thought it was funny… |
| “Maybe if you lean back and let a river flow from your…stuff.” |
The late Len Arom, speaking to Kincae the jedi turtle. They party had just seen a mural in the temple of Ammit that showed a depiction of the goddess with a river flowing from her genitals, and Len thought it might be a clue for what the party should do next. |
| “It would be tragic if you lost both your characters to this water – oh man!” |
Antigone’s player, speaking to Kincade’s player. Earlier in the campaign both players had lost characters in a particularly nasty water-based trap located in the temple of Ammit, and as this quote was spoken, Kincade was about to be killed by the same basic water after a blunder by Corthal. Antigone was safe and dry. |
| “Don’t grab that beam of energy in front of the statue.”, “Well no shit.”, “I don’t generally grab beams of energy.” |
I’m fucking crying with laughter as I write this. The party was in the temple of Ammit at the time, and Kincade had just returned from object reading some of the temple features down beyond a water feature when he told the party the first part of the quote. As was usual that session, no one listened to Kincade. |
| “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incinerate me.” |
Spoken by Ophi, who at the time was under a wild magical curse that caused her to ignite for d10+2 damage whenever she would tell a lie. Corthal had just asked her a direct question, and to answer it honestly was out of the question, becasue there would be consequences. Telling a lie was right out as well, since she would catch fire and she was already wounded. |
| “Pretty soon this is going to degrade into polyhedral dodge ball…” |
DM? Or perhaps Asoka referring to the unusual number of dice! events in the game and my recent ruling that if a player throws a dice at another player and that player catches said die, the throwing player is “out” (whatever that means). |
| “So, can I fuck with that chest over there?” |
Rascarr, referring to an unopened, stone-shaped hope chest that the NPC Menkek had previously guarded with a powerful slay living spell. The other Whoopasians told him not to, and he took their advise. |
| “I don’t think they were underwater specters.” |
The NPC imp, pre-disintegration, commenting on someone’s idea that the undead they just fought were a special, aquatic variety of specter? |
| “Pretty soon we will be able to get XP at the end of each session. We’ll be safe no matter where we are!” |
Oh hubris! Spoken by one of the Whoopasians who was in marvel of their character’s powers and hit points. Typically I as DM “only give XP when it is safe,” meaning I only award experience points when characters are resting in a safe place. |
| “The fucking rabbit called me a moron!” |
Spoken by Rascarr, who during that particular session was the brunt of many verbal assaults by the NPC Samuel Bitters, a large, British anthropomorphic rabbit with an attitude. |
| “You’re a spider, and you say the statue is weird?”, “Pot, this is kettle, you’re a dinosaur.” |
Ophi, the humanoid anklosauroid anti-paladin stated the exchange with a crack at Asoka’s imp familiar, who at the time was in spider form commenting on how strange a giant talking Arineon statue was. Asoka set Ophi straight with his response. |
| “I’m only hit by silver or better shoes.” |
Rascarr I think, but I can’t recall the context. |
| “I think we need walls before we de-road the river.” |
Unknown player but definitely a resident Whoopasian counsel member, as the group was deciding what to do next. One option was to dispel or remove in some way a Roman road which Arineon’s wild magic placed on a nearby river. Another option was to continue efforts to fortify the town they were building. |
| “So, the point of the story is, drugs kill.” |
Corthal, after recanting the final moments of the drug psion PC Gunther, who died in a wild magically arranged battle between the party and a futuristic urban combat robot. Leading up to the fight, Gunther had been dispossessed by a rogue displacer beast and refused the “generous” Whoopasian gesture of a dress to cover himself with. As the heavy laser of the robot targeted Gunther, he was naked and quite defenseless, with an armor class exceeding his current hit points (AC 10, HP 8). The robot’s hit roll (based on a 2E D&D thaco of -1) hit by more than 20 including bonuses and cut poor Gunther in half with a laser that simultaneously incinerated him. |
| “Pouring acid down your throat will only shorten your life.”, “That’s what they told me in school.” |
Corthal made the first comment after the author of the second mentioned he needed to “eat some acid” in order to gain mind powers. This character, a “drug psion” was referring to some sort of fantasy LSD, and Corthal’s player was role-playing his character’s ignorance of such things. |
| “One cat giveth what the other cat taketh away.” |
Corthal, commenting on recent events. The PC Gunther S Thompson, a “Drug Psion,” had entered the forest surrounding whoopasia and encountered a displacer beast (a puma-like creature with tentacles and six legs that warps light around its body) who beat him up and took all of his clothing and items (rumor has it that the beast was an illusion cast by a greedy leprechaun). Later, Rascarr, a humanoid cat priest, healed the psion, thus giving what the other cat took away – hit points. |
| “You want to hide the bodies? Just put them in your pocket.” |
Corthal speaking after a confrontation with a group of river fairies. The tiny creatures attacked the group because the group, or rather their wild magic, or rather Arineon’s wild magic had recently covered the fairy’s river over with a supernaturally durable Roman road. One of the PCs present suggested that they should hide the bodies just in case more local creatures would seek revenge… |
| “Well, there goes that dramatic fight at the end of the game session…” |
Spoken by me, the DM, in response to Rascarr’s boomerang critical hit and sudden decapitation of a large blue dragon that was about to be a significant opponent. Thanks a lot Rascarr, its not like I worked on that adversary or anything… |
| “That was the best natural one I ever saw!” |
Unknown player commenting on the event mentioned in the next quote above. A medium adult blue dragon was about to swoop down and attack the party with its breath weapon when Rascarr reacted supernaturally fast: he throws his Krull-style magical boomerang at the dragon, and rolls a natural 1, which is potentially a critical fumble. Rascarr’s player can’t accept the result, and spends a fate point to re-roll the attack, and gets a roll that critically hits the dragon. Since the boomerang is a vorpral weapon (a D&D item originating in Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll, see http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html ), the dragon then, after failing a saving throw, loses its head anime style. I described the scene as a DM such that the boomerang flew wildly off target initially, then as Rascarr realized his error his force of will made the weapon fly back on target at the dragon. This was of course to the dragon’s horror, and someone made a side enactment about how distressing it would be to be playing that dragon at the time: The boomerang does what?!
|
| “We don’t ever know what anything does.” |
Arineon, answering the question “What does that (possibly magical) item do?” |
| “He’s scarab food.” |
Arineon, referring to something that either bit it or was about to…the party was at the time on “The desert plane” (also called the desert realm) so I suppose that’s why I recorded the quote. |
| “Wow, we gota start playing soon before I waste my die rolls.” |
Rascarr’s player out of character, referring to a streak of good rolls he was making on the side while he was “warming up” his dice. |
| “Cool, not everyone has to take the TWA…Trans Whoopasian Arineon.” |
This is Arineon, speaking to a character that does not want to be flown by him to another location. These sorts of continuity breaches are usually overlooked in the shared fantasy so long as they are funny. |
| “Lets run back to Whoopasia for some gems, this is very simple”, “It could be very simple, let’s just shoot em’!” |
As this exchange occurs, the party is trying to figure out what to do about a pair of dragons who are demanding compensation from the party. Asoka has a wild magical “curse” in which his left handed touch polymorphs gems of any type into golden disks d4 feet in diameter, and he wants to simply go the few miles back and get some gems. Rascarr has other ideas about how to deal with the dragons… |
| “What if the world’s going to blow up in like ten minutes, we’d be pretty fucked wouldn’t we?” |
Unknown player, likely Asoka, referring to the possibility that the desert realm’s star could go nova; if it did (which was certainly possible at the time), the party would not all be able to get back to their dimensional gateway (called “The golden doors”) in time to avoid the destruction of the planet. |
| “A big fuck-all meteor hit me, and wow, magic. I created it, you wouldn’t know anything about it…I didn’t always have horns, you see they come from wisdom. I created magic, and the word magic – it was the sound of the star and the meteor, it said magic…” |
Arineon the chaotic neutral “Pinball Wizard” monologing on the topic of how he created magic at the dawn of time, a memory inspired by a wild surge. |
| “I haven’t eaten a child since I’ve been here.” |
Ophi, defending her shining and perfect record of non-child consumption in Whoopasia. The party knew that she had been trained as an anti-paladin and that during this training her people would hunt, target practice, and other wise torture and consume small, cute human children (her people were all anthropomorphic, sadistic dinosaurs). Someone pointed this out during an in-game counsel meeting, and Ophi responded. |
| “Honestly, I want to watch them to see what kinds of dorks we look like…” |
Rascarr’s player, referring to the video tapes I was collecting during my project’s fieldwork. |
| “I wonder what would happen if we were to say what the fuck in here?” |
Rascarr, referring to the chamber of a wild magically generated “Tree of Life” that can answer any question correctly, but any one person can only ask once. The tree was known for being semi-malicious, eagerly answering questions spoken in its presence that were not necessarily put to it, such as “I wonder what question we should ask it?” or “Who should ask first?” Entire game sessions were spent in the chamber of the tree, or on players trying to decide what exactly to ask. These became known as “Tree Sessions.” |
| “You lose Mike.” |
Unknown player, likely Corthal, commenting on my dejection, my utter failure as DM, that Arineon had 211 hit points (an ungodly or rather godly number by the way). This is of course a play on the traditional and playful role of “mock DM – player tension.” |
| “Oh, did we mention our fight with a Goddess?” |
Unknown player, recapping and getting either Arineon or Rascarr up to date on a recent event. The goddess being referred to was summoned inadvertently by Zagyg-Fizzber or his pinata familiar, and embarked on a personal quest to dominate “The desert realm.” The Whoopasians didn’t actually fight her, they battled some of her minions. |
| “I’ve been busy.”, “Doing what, wasting your last life?” |
Rascarr was busy, his player having recently been playing Kincade. Ophi asked the second question, and in so doing was making fun of the fact that Rascarr (a humanoid cat) had died something like 8 times before. |
| “When a red headed woman appears during a battle there’s no time to think, you just stab, stab, stab.” |
Ophi, referring to an actual and rare instance where her evil could shine. During a battle in the abyss, during one of Arineon’s wild surge cascades, Moly Ringwald materialized in full “1980’s mall” attire near Ophi. Ever the welcome wagon, Ophi promptly stabbed the visitor in the head with her super-magical +4 spear of doom, thus negating all potential Whoopasian knowledge of 1980’s Earth. |
| “We killed some British.”, “What’s a British?”, “They’re red.”, “They’re red?!” |
A conversation between Ophi (the first speaker) and Rascarr. Ophi was describing an extra-planar jaunt the Whoopasians took into another dimension where they rescued some NPCs from an alternate-Earth timeline, British New World, palisade fortress. Ophi is often quite vague, except when dealing with gory details. |
| “I didn’t expect you guys to walk up like the wild bunch..” |
Me, as DM, referring to a scene where the party noticed some creatures mulling about the front of “their” pyramid and they calmly walked over to the intruders in a group as if it were a scene from a Western (or perhaps Reservoir Dogs). |
| “When you least expect it someone’s gona lick you from behind.” |
Kleche Toan referring to Rascarr’s “magically delicious” Corthal hunt through the forest; the group was discussing it at the time the comment to the left was made. |
| “Great, this guys attacking me with a flashlight…what’s a flashlight?” |
Corthal’s player, in mid side enactment, taking the role of one of Whoopasia’s enemies fighting Kincade, a jedi with, yes, a lightsaber. |
| “For once our lets go on a mission and be back before lunch plan worked.” |
Corthal, referring to the practice of the Whoopasians to plan their day as follows: “first, go to the abyss and destroy demonic overlord X, return for breakfast, then go to the plateau and deal with all the undead, return for lunch… |
| “Can I ride you?”, “No, you have a reputation.” |
I can’t recall the exact situation of this quote, but the character with the reputation was likely Kincade. |
| “We don’t make signs, man.” |
The NPC and Whoopasian counsel member Dling, responding to Asoka’s question “Why don’t you people put up signs to protect people from these sorts of dangers?!” The dangers he was referring to all existed in the town the party was building, and included such things as a “Barn troll” (actually a Vaporighu from Gehenna) “that lives in the stables”, and a wild magically charged fountain in front of the dining hall “that by the way no one is supposed to drink from.” |
| “Could we evacuate the Desert Realm?” |
Unknown player, referring to the possibility that Nemaku might acquire the sacred canopic jars of Tetsab and open them, thus annihilating the planet everyone refers to as “the desert realm” by causing its star to go nova. This never happened, but it wasn’t for Nemaku’s lack of trying. I recorded the quote because I thought it was funny that one of the players suggested the “evacuate the entire planet by using the party’s dimensional gateway” option instead of the “defeat Nemaku” option, which was far easier. |
| “He hates druids and all forests, since when?”, “Since hell.” |
The first statement was made by Carnac, a high level druid. He refers to Arineon, who had become cursed by his own wild magic to hate druids, nature, and all “tree-huggers.” This curse occurred during a last ditch wild surge cascade event in a layer of the abyss. Hence Corthal’s hell comment. |
| “What makes you think this is an adventure?! We live here.” |
Unknown player, likely Corthal playfully interpreting an out of game statement as an in-game speech act. |
| “Actually, if he’s going out into the forest with a torch, we may all become enlightened.” |
Unknown player making a diceable offence and referring to Arineon’s wild-magically inspired goal of burning down all the local forests as a first step toward his vision of a “wood-trimmed Whoopasia.” |
| “It’s not diceable, that was funny!” |
Kincade’s player, speaking to another player who (with dice in hand ready to fire) just asked why the DM didn’t call dice! In our game sessions, whenever the DM points at a player and says “Dice!” the first other player who throws a dice at the target gains a minor amount of experience points. DMs will dice players for saying “diceable offenses,” which include bad puns or plays on words, silly statements, and so on. A classic example of a diceable offense was when a player asked the DM, who was describing a grape orchard, “Are they angry grapes?” (taking cover), “Why?” the DM asked. “Because then they would be grapes of wrath!” This was highly diceable, and the resulting blizzard of dice fire nearly ended the player’s life. DMs have been known to also dice players for challenging his or her authority. |
| “He can sheathe it up his ass like the other piñata did..” |
Unknown player referring to Zagyg-fizzber’s piñata familiar who could potentially store swords anywhere in his body since he was immune to normal weapons. During a side enactment it was suggested by Zagyg-fizzber’s player that he could store his sword such that the hilt would protrude from his familiar’s backside. |
| “Mountain gorillas are your specialty?!” |
Kincade, commenting on the Druid Carnac’s claim that “gorillas are my specialty.” As the druid was 10th level he was able to shapechange into a variety of animals, including gorillas. |
| “They’re pretty susceptible to arrows to the back of the head.” |
Corthal’s player, commenting on the not-so invincible nature of dragons. This character, in a previous game session, critically hit a palladium system RIFTs dragon (Horned) in the back of the head and killed it (thereby bypassing its thousands of hit points). |
| “Our mission has come to an abrupt halt due to a chipmunk.” |
Unknown player commenting on the fact that the party (once again) diverted from the “actual adventure,” this time to calm, subdue, and return a chipmunk carefully to its home plane. |
| “If we could refrain from debates with piñatas…” |
Asoka, trying to steer the party’s attention away from an animate piñata (the result of wild magic). |
| “Maybe he’s a member of the reformed church of Barracus.” |
Asoka’s player (half in and out of character) commenting on the character Soultourous, a skeletal anti-paladin follower of the campaign-specific (vile) God Barracus, who generally speaking does not play well with others. The anti-paladin was essentially on trial for his beliefs and was soon to undergo mandatory alignment change via a cursed ring kept by the local PC-ran government. Asoka, a character concerned with liberty and personal freedoms, was trying to ensure Soultourous received a fair trial. This didn’t happen. |
| “You could lift up his cloak and see what he’s got.” |
DM (me), not thinking of the possibilities of the utterance. The Kender’s player had asked me what items the PC Sanshin was carrying, and I told him he couldn’t tell, but… |
| “Its not worth the experience…sorry.” |
Zagyg-Fizzber’s player, out of character, commenting on the DM’s suggestion that he actually sing the sing his bard was preparing. |
| “So if you fuck up we’re taking your shin bones!” |
The character Sanshin warning the character Soultourous (a skeleton who likes to cause trouble) not to offend a group of Thune (Desert of Desolation series module derived) NPCs the party had recently formed a truce with. |
| “Have you ever met a flying goat before?” – “Sort of, I met a flying sheep man once.” |
The first part refers to the imp familiar of the character Asoka, who never appears in his true form but always in goat form to conceal his true nature. Whenever he flies he first becomes invisible, and the party had became aware that “the goat” could fly. The second part was delivered by Sanshin, who had met a PC named Arineon who was a hengeyokai ram. |
| “This is important to me, I need to get my shit paper back!” |
The Kender wild mage Rumplefizzber, referring to his spell book which a group of Thune NPCs had kept after releasing the kender from their custody. The Thune leader told Rumplefizzber that if he didn’t return with the other PCs in a given amount of time, he would give the pages of the Kender’s spell book out to his men as toilet paper. The PCs, who not only never took the Kender seriously but this time were wild-magically influenced not to take him seriously, decided that the Kender was never in fact a prisoner but had instead suffered from heat stroke. Thus, they were not motivated to help the Kender get his book back by visiting the Thunes. |
| “Am I an infrared laser-like thing?” |
This quote was delivered by the character Tamara, a mutant porcupine duelist who (as a mutational quirk) radiated something like 140 degrees of heat. |
| “No looting, no penetration, nothing bad…” |
The character Soultourous commenting on the ridiculous (from his perspective) rules of the Thunes to another PC. |
| “I’m gona go back, I can’t have them shitting on my spellbook.” |
Rumplefizzber, deciding to leave the party (who were not taking him seriously) in order to save his tome… |
| “I don’t suppose I can telepathically…feel him up?” |
The player of the character Tamara, (out of character) speaking to the DM, inquiring about the utility of her character’s psionics, accidentally in a sexual sense. |
| “You’ll be able to tell if it possesses me because I will become less evil.” |
Soultourous, speaking about the pseudo-demigod antagonist Nemaku, who actually was less evil than he was and was thought to be able to possess characters in the game. |
| “It’s sad when you can defeat someone by turning them into a god.” |
This refers to a battle scene in which the Kender wild mage Rumplefizzber lost control of his magic and accidentally transformed an undead opponent into a demigod. As it turned out, all divine figures on that plane of existence were long since destroyed by an ancient spell effect which sucked them into the cosmos – as soon as the opponent transformed he was ripped off the planet to his doom! |
| “You are one of he ones who has blood right?” |
Unknown PC (looking for some familiarity and normalcy) commenting on the fact that Soultourous, a skeleton PC, had none. |
| “I am a supreme ember dwarf!” |
Asoka, an ember dwarvish bard, joking about his status. The humor of this quote escapes me now, but at the time it was damn funny. |
| “I’m pretty warm, do you like me?” |
Tamara (who was cursed to radiate a 140 degree body heat) speaking to Asoka, an ember dwarf (campaign specific species) who prefers hot surroundings as a consequence of his upbringing near lava flows. Asoka had been complaining about cold people… |
| “The second round of pain causes you 10 points of healing.” |
DM (me) to the character Soultourous, who as a consequence of his skeletal “creation” at the hands of the wicked Barracus priests actually heals damage when he feels magically induced pain. This was so ironic I had to record it; a usual DM idiom goes like this – “you take X Points of damage from the bad thing,” and I guess it was the modification of the idiom that was most humorous. Soultourous was walking into a magical pain field he discovered to heal his wounds when the quote erupted. |
| “Look, no plans using bodies – you’re too body-centric.” |
Sanshin to the anti-paladin Soultourous, who kept suggesting the party use corpses as tools to accomplish tasks at hand, such as anchoring grappling hooks. |
| “No, fireballs are huge. Haven’t you ever been hit by a fireball?” |
Unknown player (perhaps bending the separation between in and out of game), commenting on a fire-based spell effect that was witnessed. The humor in this, for me, derived from the “stereotypical D&D” nature of the comment. |
| “So here is a perfectly bad dagger, accept it and lets go on…” |
Sanshin speaking to Soultourous. As I recall, Sanshin was trying to keep Soultoruous from wasting time (in his opinion) looting corpses and arguing over who got what. |
| “I’ve seen sheep before…sailed with a sheep before.” |
Sanshin, referring to a wild-magically derived sentient sheep who he actually did sail with at one point. |
| “You can put your skin back on if you want.” |
A PC talking to Soultourous the skeletal anti-paladin (who was able to project a “façade” of real flesh over his bones – including hair). The party had found the illusion grossly deceptive and were just then willing to consider letting him “put his skin on” in their presence. |
| “Your great god Asstoss is listening…” |
The character Vingwee speaking to Soultourous and making fun of his evil god. |
| “If you’re going to slit my throat or kiss me you’re gona have to build a step stool!” |
Vingwee, making fun of Myra, a gnome he was having a confrontation with. |
| “If you’re quiet, you…can eat them…all.” |
A mimic NPC ominously describing his basic outlook on life in the halls of Desdandexfalarexpandantillious (that’s another story) to the PC Sanshin. |
| “We’re in hell, there’s no reason for politeness…Mr. Devilman, could you please send…” |
The character Arineon, speaking to the party. The group had in fact voluntarily journeyed to the abyss. |
| “Curiosity brought you to hell, interesting.” |
Unknown player (Carnac the druid?), subtly making fun of the party’s decision to teach the ruler of the abyss a lesson… |
| “Uh oh, you just put a monkey wrench in his culture…” |
Arineon’s player, commenting out of character on the decision of a PC to not abide by the speaking aesthetics (which involve long-winded and constant assertions that the conversation is actually happening and the speakers are all real) of a new and alien PC Corthal’s player names “Melonramus.” |
| “Because you have neither the scars nor the frosting to survive the snow.” |
Unknown player commenting on the acidic blowing snow of the abyss that another PC should not enter. |
| “Can I please stab her in the head now?” |
The violent and less than moral character Ophi who was asking permission to slay a new character she encountered. Permission was not given. Ophi’s violent tendencies with her spear is a part of this group’s ongoing idioculture. |
| “I prefer to kill really small, defenseless animals.” |
Ophi describing her various hobbies and why she would rather not kill a party member. |
| “Mud, blood, and mead. Interesting.” |
Unknown player referring to the contents of a magical pool, which from the perspective of various character alignments seemed to consist of one of the three. |
| “Let’s go see what it does, I still got a fate point!” |
An out of character comment from Rascar’s player. Fate points are used in my campaigns as kind of like a “last resort” point, so long as a character has one they know they can get out of one situation. They are precious and difficult to acquire. |
| “So what’s this god want?” – “Monkey heads.” |
The question as posed by Corthal, who was trying to figure out why Arineon had just converted to Zagyg (see http://amaranthys.com/RPG/add/ZAGYG’S%20DECK.htm for the wild surge table that this word comes from). The reply stems from the god’s first commandment to Arineon, which was to sacrifice the heads of a group of Su Monsters (who look like monkeys) the party was fighting. |
| “That thing told you to burn the heads, and you did!?” |
Corthal to Arineon, in the same conversation as the quote above. That thing turned out to be a Zagyg action figure, which Arineon was using as his new holy symbol. This figure derived from the aforementioned wild surge chart. |
| “I got the star and the monkey sword.” |
Arineon, referring to the Star of Mo Pelar magical item and a weapon he looted from the Su Monster encounter. |
| “I really don’t appreciate being killed by a super bouncy ball.” |
Kleche Toan’s player, commenting out of character, after Kleche was hit on the head by a 4’ diameter wild-magically-derived super bouncy ball which had (prior to an alternate reality spell) broken his neck. |
| “Hey, has my aardvark wisdom been wrong? Then shut the fuck up!” |
Arineon, referring to an aardvark summoned through his wild magic which was supernaturally knowledgeable. The information he gained from the aardvark was accurate, but that it came from an aardvark was a bit strange from the perspective of the other players. |
| “I’m trying to fuck him, not kill him!” |
Kincade’s player speaking to Corthal’s player ooc. Kincade had flipped a wild-magically-derived enchanted coin which caused a wild surge (as there was an active wild magic zone in the area) which made his character supernaturally horny. Moments prior, the character Aigaion had also flipped the same kind of coin and generated a wild surge. The coin bestowed the stat “Ace Venturaness – 20” to Aigaion and the surge destroyed all his clothing and armor. Acting in character, Aigaion started shaking his ass and dancing away, and Kincade jumped on him. Corthal had shot Kincade with a double arrow shot to stop him prior to the quote. |
| “Well, I guess it would be a quarter action…” |
DM (me) responding to a player inquiry as to how many magical coins could be pulled out of a bag and flipped each round. I was oblivious to the pun, which doubled the quote’s humor factor. |
| “Another poor creature bound for the Astral plane.” |
Corthal, referring to an investigative process of Arineon’s where he would create a dimension door and send a magically summoned sand lion through it. The goal was to find an underground area by placing a dimension door somewhere below – just prior to the quote the last dimension door opened up into solid earth and ejected the lion into the Astral plane. |
| “Never underestimate my power.” |
Kincade, who had just used his character’s psionics to see an invisible adversary. He was the only one who could see the creature, and was responding to PC criticism. |
| “She was Christina, she came from the land of Chuchimumgabo.” |
Arineon, speaking in character and being weird but I can’t recall the exact context. |
| “We’re a whoopacracy.” |
Arineon, describing the political structure of the PC founded city state [?] of Whoopasia. |
| “At least my horns are real.” |
Arineon, responding to Kincade’s quote below. Arineon, a hengeyokai ram, has a large set of horns (that were enlarged due to several wild surges) while Kincade, a mutant anthropomorphic turtle, has none. However, in a previous adventure the characters held a meeting in a dreamscape created by a Whoopasian telepath and each PC appeared in the dream according to their hopes and desires. Kincade, being a lawful evil Jedi, appeared like a cross between Darth Maul and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and thus had horns while in the dream. |
| “Ok horned hero, shut your pie hole!!” |
Kincade, yelling in character at Arineon; horned hero was a name given to Arineon by a group of summoned gypsy NPCs – they constructed a hall in his honor called The Hall of the Horned Hero. The moment of this quote was particularly funny given the massive power differential between Kincade and Arineon (who was higher level and party leader). |
| “If its covered in black shit we aren’t going in there.” |
The character Rascarr, referring to a hypothetical situation. The DM had over-narrated the party too far forward into unknown territory, and the player wanted to make sure the area was actually safe. |
| “You fear the squirrels are after your nuts is what I think.” |
Unknown player, referring to Rascarr’s irrational and wild magically induced fear of small furry animals. Of course, Rascarr was a purling, a campaign-specific bipedal feline. |
| “Squirrel Master T.” |
Another reference to Rascarr’s fear of small animals, but I am not sure of the context. |
| “Ok, now that everyone knows we’re here…” |
Once again, the party fails to employ adequate stealth on a covert mission. Specifically, the characters were laughing about squirrels while invisible and moving into position. |
| “Want me to hold your hand evil one?” |
Arineon making fun of Ophi, an anti-paladin, who was seemingly afraid to be carried into position by Arineon, who was flying party members (who were invisible) down into a canyon for a sneak attack. |
| “Well if a chipmunk is evil I’m fuckin nuts!” |
Arineon making fun of Rascarr’s role-played (psychotic) assertion that small animals like squirrels are all evil and should be avoided. |
| “Stop talking about squirrels and get to the battle plan fuck faces!” |
Arineon, referring to the fact that the party’s cover was about to be blown due to an ongoing laugh/discussion fest on the topic of Rascarr’s small animal fear. |
| “It’s a tremorillian.” |
I have absolutely no fucking clue on this one. |
| “Welcome grandpa!” |
Rascarr, sarcastically welcoming the character Kleshe Toan. Both characters were purlings and this lead to a kind of purling rivalry that is still continuing. Kleshe had previously been hit by an aging wild magical curse and thus became, forevermore, grandpa due to Rascarr. |
| “Its like suffocation underwater.” |
Unknown player, commenting on the entry-sequence for the new character Aigaion the sea paladin of the campaign specific deity Debreem (explained below). |
| “He may be fake but he very much exists.” |
Aigaion, replying to Kincade’s argument that Gods do not actually exist and referring to his deity Debreem. |
| “I was drowned, which is odd for me.” |
Aigaion referring to his entry sequence. In the opening sequence of the game session, Aigaion was lured out to sea by Debreem, who then opened up a rift and sent him to the plane the adventure was on. As is Debreem’s nature, he tested the paladin by making him think he had drowned in the process. The quotation refers to one of Aigaion’s paladin abilities that helps him (usually) avoid drowning. |
| “Great, its aqua Moulder.” |
Kleche Toan, commenting on the investigative tendencies of the sea paladin. |
| “Do you speak shortsword?” |
Arineon, who had just entered a room to find his semi-familiar (named Mo Mad Beta B Arineon) engaged in a fight with a new player character named Powder. While powder didn’t speak any of Arineon’s languages, the horned hero managed to find a common enough method of communication. Microseconds after uttering the quote he cut off Powder’s right handed fingers (raised up in an “I surrender, I don’t understand you” gesture) and then finished him off with the next short sword attack, completing his language lesson. |
| “Is Bacolith really that important?” |
Corthal, speaking in character to Arineon. The party had ventured a long way to rescue Bacolith the everchanging and was perched at the edge of a mysterious portal they knew Bacolith had been taken into. Arineon was trying to convince Corthal to jump in with him, but Corthal refused, uttering this quote. |
| “At least my woman works at Hooters!” |
Arineon’s player mostly out of character, referring to his PC’s in-game companion who was formerly an owl but who was polymorphed into a half elven mystic. |
| “I fucked a bird too – ya!” |
Corthal, referring to his sexual encounter with a bird who was polymorphed into a half elf. Due to an Arineon-generated wild surge, a group of forest animals – mostly birds – were polymorphed into humanoids and sent off to the plane the party was on. |
| “That one goes in the record books – the first time a dragon has eaten a chocolate deer, perhaps ever in any RPG…” |
DM (me) commenting on an in-game event where a wild surge transmutes all deer within a certain gigantic radius into chocolate versions of themselves, and a PC dragon (Bacolith) ate one. |
| “So, it looks like we’re down to the kill Bacolith plan.” |
Corthal, referring to the worst of the string of ideas that party was coming up with as a means to remove a curse on Bacolith. Much to Bacolith’s dismay the party tuned to discussing the possibility of skinning Bacolith alive repeatedly to harvest dragon scales, since “he would just regenerate back and be fine.” |
| “The ram general is being really patient with those two dragons…” |
A fairy NPC, referring to the conversation described in the next quote explanation she was watching from Corthal’s shoulder. All the local Whoopasian faeries refer to Arineon as the ram general, due to Arineon’s first discussions with the ever-annoying river faeries (in which he claimed to be a general looking to fight the Satyrs of the tower nearby…another story in itself). |
| “Listen, if either of you two mother fuckers even consider screwing with me I will make you wish you were never fucking hatched, I will beat you the fuck down where you stand, got it!?” |
Arineon, standing in front of two old and fairly powerful bronze dragons, the good and chaotic versions of the PC Bacolith (the character was split via wild magic into two duplicates of himself, one with one alignment component, one with the other). The dragons were acting as if they might attack Arineon, and he felt the need to put them in their place. Actually, had the dragons attacked, they might have defeated Arineon with combined breath weapon effects, but Corthal was nearby and his bow would have devastated the dragons, even from a distance. |
| “We had an abortion with a character point.” |
Unknown player comment on an event where the DM was trying to calculate the current population of the PC founded town of Whoopasia and asked each sexually active character to roll a luck stat check to see if any pregnancies had developed. One character missed the roll but spent a character point (they add +1 or +5% to a roll and are earned via good role-playing) to make it! |
| “Glad I didn’t drop a dresser on him.” |
Arineon, referring to the NPC leprechaun Dartagneous, who he tried to hit with a chest of drawers by throwing it off a tower at him. At the time, Dartagneous was thought to be a potential threat, but he turned out to be a valuable ally. |
| “All I know is that he jumped out of a rock and drank from a chalice.” |
Arineon or Corthal, commenting on the rather vague description given by Bacolith, a PC who was at this point polymorphed into a dog and who witnessed a character leaving Desdan’s halls through the back entrance, which was covered by the illusion of a rock. |
| “Let me get this straight, you can jump through rocks but not trees?” |
Comment from an unknown player directed at Bacolith, who was unable to enter Kimbot’s lair through the usual tree-portal method but who had left through the back entrance, which was an illusory rock. |
| “Pretty much everyone who was nice to me on this plane is dead now.” |
Corthal, lamenting the death of his companions Rascarr, Kimbot (an NPC), and Bedlam. |
| “I guess we ram the door down…I am a ram.” |
Delivered by Arineon, the hengeyokai ram. Context unknown, but really not that significant. |
| “I don’t want to bite any young girls, I’m a good priest!” |
Spoken by Bacolith the everchanging to Pepe, the twisted, stuffed skunk, wild magically created and sentient former familiar of the late wild mage Aarwen. Pepe was originally a semi-sentient (how this occurred was a mystery) stuffed animal owned by a small female human – he felt like her protector, he watched over her as she slept, but when he got old and ragged she discarded him in a trash heap. As a result, he held a grudge against all children, but particularly young girls. Just prior to the quote, Pepe had offered to magically transport Bacolith, now in dog form, into Kimbot’s underground lair (since as a dog he couldn’t activate the tree-portal and was stuck outside). Pepe tried to make Bacolith promise to bite every young girl he encountered as payment for the trip, but Bacolith refused. |
| “I guess I’ll go into an open field with half our treasure and a virgin!” |
Arineon, semi-frustrated, referring to the danger involved with taking mot of the party’s possessions and an NPC (the virgin) out into the open fields near the party’s newly conquered tower. He was going to use a great deal of wild magic to identify the items and possibly communicate with the NPC, so it was necessary for everyone’s safety that he perform the task far away. |
| “I think this cage is anchored by some kind of dimensional vortex.” |
The character Nali, referring to a cage she was trapped in, blending out of game ideas with her role-playing. |
| “I’m sorry, but I don’t know the rules.” |
by the character Gilgamesh, an evil drow elven priest who had just animated the remains of a dead party member so that it could do his bidding (this was funny as the dead character was Gilgamesh’s player’s last character). The party went into an uproar over this desecration, and in his defense the drow offered the quote to the left. |
| “The fault lies in the parenting.” |
An unknown PC, commenting on the ever-increasing insane malevolence of the familiar Pepe, who scarred his master into backing off and not controlling his actions. As Pepe was merely a familiar, all his master needed to do was order him not to do things and he would comply, but the wizard completely forgot this minor detail, and lived in fear of his familiar until he died. |
| “I’m still stuck on why a magical clown is going to attack us.” |
Corthal, referring to a mistranslation of an NPC’s description of an undead faerie bard as provided by the Chaos Paladin Bedlam Pandemonious. |
| “This appears to be a necromancer’s book.” |
Bedlam the chaos paladin, purposefully misrepresenting a diary he was “translating.” |
| “Oh, by the way, anthropomorphic mushroom around the back of the house!” |
Unknown player, nonchalantly (the source of the quote’s humor) referring to a monster in the area. |
| “humans are kinda pussy.” |
A comment by Rascarr, an anthropomorphic feline! |
| “Oh great, little faeries go-me dancing.” |
Corthal, referring to a momentary sighting of a small faerie creature actually doing that kind of dance who immediately went invisible upon noticing the party. The PCs were heading into potentially hazardous terrain and Corthal had endured quite a bit of oddities whooping his ass in the current adventure, so he was naturally weary of the unusual. |
| “I think the paladin should go first.” |
Classic PC comment, made by an unknown player, referring to Bedlam Pandemonious the Chaos paladin. |
| “I laid my hands upon you, can you not return the favor?” |
Bedlam, referring to his character’s lay on hands paladin ability, which he just used on a PC. I don’t recall who he was speaking to, but it was funny. |
| “Mushrooms have swords and are evil? Can anyone give me a straight answer here?!” |
Either Arineon or Elegyn, who were getting frustrated with the answers the other PCs (they had just met) were giving them. The mushrooms were actually Myconids and were unarmed, but the chaos paladin struck again… |
| “I am half ram, half man. I am RAM MAN!” |
Arineon, a hengeyokai ram, describing himself sarcastically to Elegyn, who was making fun of his species. To jump to Arineon’s related Fantasy-World Record, click here. |
| “weren’t you listening? He is gona cast understand curse on himself.” |
Corthal, making fun of Rascarr, who was cursed to have to scream out his intended spells and their targets prior to casting his magic. In this case he screams out “I am casting understand curse on myself!” and Bedlam’s player said “What?” in surprise leading up to the quote. |
| “They’re probably like, damnit, they pissed down our hole again.” |
A perfect example of a side enactment as I have come to label them in the research project. In this case, the party was camping in some ancient halls (the home of the NPC Kimbot, whose name was taken from an X-Files episode) that had a sacrificial pit which was seemingly infinite that the party was using as a urinal. The player who made the quote was toying with the possibility that creatures were living at the bottom of the shaft. |
| “Your niece, she attacked me and I threw her into the fire.” |
Rascarr, recounting a vision where his spirit guide, in the form of Corthal’s late niece, moved aggressively toward him and he threw her into a fireplace. |
| “That chest is just sitting there and you are going to sleep in the hallway?!” |
Rascarr speaking to Bedlam, who noticed that a chest in the common sleeping area was moving a bit and left to sleep in the hallway outside. This was a good idea, as the cheast was actually a monster known as a Mimic. Rascarr hadn’t noticed the chest’s motion. |
| “I have a sinking suspicion that it is simply anti-character.” |
Corthal, referring to a magical ring which appeared when Desdandexfalar was destroyed. The group was discussing what they thought the powers of the ring would turn out to be, and just prior to this quote a PC wondered if the ring had some sort of anti-magical effect. |
| “Ya but he never got to drink from that Cholera thing.” |
Unknown player utterance, referring to something in Desdan’s lair (the pool of water? A chalice?) but I can’t recall exactly what. |
| “I have a wine skin, any chance it will fill with meat?” |
Rascarr, being silly in character. |
| “Here comes a fairy photon torpedo.” |
This refers to the magical projectile attack of the antagonist Desdandexfalarexpandantillious the third, which the DM described as looking like a photon torpedo. |
| “Why would I eat you?! You must spread the word and the word is Rascarr!” |
Rascarr responding to a player character’s concerns that he might eat them. At this point he is convinced he is a divine figure and quite insane, but less homicidal than he was a bit earlier in the campaign. |
| “So, men are from the moon and women are from the stars?” |
Corthal trying desperately to make sense out of another one of Bedlam’s masterfully misleading translations… |
| “After the first day he decided I was magically delicious and chased me for miles.” |
Corthal, describing some of his earlier adventures with Rascarr to Bedlam. |
| “No sense letting this gnome’s stuff go to waste!” |
A classic player character move to loot the corpse of a fallen character. As the ideology goes, it is ok to loot corpses in the game since “they aren’t using their stuff anyway.” |
| “He can talk to me if he truly believes.” |
Rascarr, in insane deity mode (god of pastry chefs I believe), referring to someone who couldn’t communicate with him but I forget who? |
| “Deathstarvalkavorkian the III!” |
A failed and humorous player attempt to recite the name of Desdandexfalarexpandantillious the III, a powerful faerie lord who would grant wishes to those reciting his name and doom to those attempting and failing in this case. |
| “Dear elves are magically delicious!” |
Rascarr (out of character somewhat but funny enough to ignore), completely insane after an encounter with a group of vindictive leprechauns, who was chasing his companion Corthal (an elf) through the forest with the intent to kill and eat him. |
| “Dear elf…gona get ya…run little elfie…” |
Rascarr, in the same chase scene, racing after Corthal, who at the time was completely outmatched by Rascarr and carried only a small hatchet for chopping wood… |
| “I feel like I’m in the dilemma Smeagle was in.” |
Rascarr’s player, commenting on the fact that his character’s erupting psychosis was trying to get him to push Corthal into a lava-filled chasm. |
| “Fuck an A, more jumping!” |
Either Corthal or Rascarr, commenting on the fact that, once again, they were jumping off something they probably shouldn’t. This time the jump was into (the illusion of) a lake of lava. The jumping at noon phenomena (described below) became a part of the group’s idioculture. |
| “And some raccoon tracks with an extra finger, but that’s just more meat I guess…” |
Corthal, describing some unusual animal tracks to Rascarr. |
| “Can I hypnotize myself?” |
Rascarr’s player asking the DM a question. I forget the exact context. |
| “Did I really just jump off a waterfall? We are probably the stupidest PCs ever.” |
Corthal’s player, referring to an event where Rascarr jumped off a 200 foot plus waterfall and convinced him to do the same seconds later, “because it is noon!” the only reason given. The supposed spirit guide of Rascarr had lead the characters up to the top of the waterfall and had told Rascarr that a portal would open at the bottom exactly at noon and that they all had to jump – he trusted the spirit and leaped. After both PCs had jumped I told them (jokingly) that their characters died on impact (actually the spirit was telling the truth) and the quote to the left resulted. |
| “Hey you, roots are moving up here!” |
Corthal to Rascarr, referring to a supernatural/psychological effect where tree roots were seemingly writhing. |
| “Does it matter? You have asked and I will obey.” |
Rascarr, speaking to his supposed spirit guide. This was the first recorded quote of the TFR campaign. |
